i dont know what i am doing

spoken-not-written:

thats-slightly-raven:

My brother was trusted to go shopping for the first time yesterday and he bought 39 loaves of bread because it was on offer so now our kitchen is just full of a fuckton of bread and we have nowhere to put any of it because our freezer is full, my house is like a shitty math problem right now.

oh crumbs.

kawaii-aussie:

basically tumblr is like our father and we’re all his children and he is about to get married to yahoo who is a massive bitch and will probably ruin our lives and we’re like no dad stop and we’re all crying very loudly because we dont want yahoo to be our new mum because she is a monster who will probably kill dad when he becomes useless and take all his money that he left to us the bottOM LINE IS NO PLS DONT SELL TUMBLR DAVID KARP NOOOO DONt do It

royal-high:

a kid from my school just got expelled today for pretending to be russian for 8 months. he pretended he couldn’t read, write or talk english  he did good in all his classes because he had all the teachers and principles convinced he just moved from russia, so they didn’t make him do any work

winchesterlicious:

My mum just came into my room and said “did you lose a pair of pants?”

and I was like “…what”

and then she took my hand

and gave me this carrot

I tried to give it back but she ran away laughing